journey to forgiveness and freedom

Help me Jesus. I am a mess this week. Confronting long-standing painful issues from the past is hard work. It is also emotionally exhausting. I feel wrung out completely. This post is really just for me. I thought of writing in my journal about all this, and I guess maybe I will at some point. This week I sent an email correspondence to the one person who hurt me more than anyone ever has in my life. I had thought about contacting this person for many years. I am still not sure why now was the time to do it. But it was. I really didn't know if I would get a response from this person or not. Hell I didn't know if I really wanted a response! I just had to lay my cards on the table. For some reason I have this need to let people know when they've hurt me. I have done this in the past and I definitely don't always get an apology or even a response. However, just the act of releasing it to the person seems to help me heal. This was no different. As a matter-of-fact, it felt like a large heavy stone had been lifted from my chest. Thank you Jesus.
The person actually did respond and apologized, asking for forgiveness. It was weird. I am still kind of reeling from it. It has been 23 years since this person hurt me. Unfortunately though, the wound that was inflicted all those years ago set horrible things in motion in my life. I dare say my life would have been totally and completely different if it hadn't happened.
It is just so strange to me now. The one thing that defined how I perceived my self and my value for so many years. Now gone...
I had learned to value myself before this, the Lord has been faithful to me. But apparently I still needed to do what I did.
This person offered to get in contact more and talk over things but I had to decline. Even though I am thankful for the apology, I am a person who loves and feels very deeply. This person was my first love whom rejected me. So the thought of sitting down with him face to face was just not a pleasant one. Even though he apologized and sounded sincere, I don't think he really got the depth of the wound he inflicted. Then again I don't imagine it is necessary that he does.
I think what is so strange is that I did not realize myself how deeply it would affect me if he did respond and apologize. I have just carried this pain for so long, buried deep inside, that I feel like crying all the time now. Has anyone else ever been through something like this? Am I the only one? It feels like I am.