Emotional Healing in the secret place of His presence.

Emotional Healing awaits us in the secret place of God's presence. His children are given HEALING for our emotions in the secret place!! That is exciting to me because I have desperately needed healing for my emotions in this life. The secret place of His presence is where the Lord has healed me and soothed my hurts, wounds and pains. The bible calls Jesus the Balm of Gilead. Why is He called a balm? Gilead, was a region of ancient Palestine known for its balm. A balm soothes, relieves, or heals. Jesus is the healer, He is the prince of peace, the Holy One. He is our comfort and strength, our shelter in the storms of this life, where we are protected from fear and torment. These things can not touch you when you are in the secret place of His presence. Our emotions find healing in His hands there. He binds up the broken heart and makes us free in Him. This is the power of letting go and letting God. Dwelling in the secret place, is a place of power and rest, because you are fully trusting Him in every way when you are there.. Trust equals faith, it is the same thing.. We don't have to have an enormous amount of faith. If we have faith as a grain of mustard seed it is enough. Faith is just trusting in God's love for us. Our souls need to be refreshed by His love. David speaks of this in Psalm 63:1, he says, "O God, you are my God; and I shall wait for you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh longs for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water;" We Must fill up with Him daily if we want to be poured out in honor of Him. We can not just fill up once a week like we do the gas tank in our cars. We must fill up with His presence every day in order to walk in the perfect peace that only He can give us. He awaits communion and sweet intimate fellowship with us in the secret place. I myself want to dwell and abide and remain there all the days of my life, so that when I do die, I will just walk hand in hand with Jesus to the next life just as if I am walking through a door with my friend. I have nothing to fear when I walk with Him, because He is my guide and my shelter and my rock of salvation. He is the light. He is the One true Love of my life and of yours. He is the only one who loves you unconditionally because He is love. He will never hurt or abandon you. He will only lift you up and give you strength. If you will spend time with Him. He will make you shine! Psalm 34:5 says, "Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." Spend time with Him today.

Awakening your inner self to commune with God.

There is no such thing as a superficial relationship with God. God is Spirit and as such we can only communicate with Him and have relationship with Him by our spirit, or what we can call our "inner self". I have prayed for many years and asked God to teach me how to have a relationship with Him. I am still learning, but thank God, I do have a truly intimate relationship with Him. This is what God wants with all of us! According to His word, our relationship with Him is supposed to be a deep and passionate love relationship! Just take a look at Ephesians 5:25-32... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church"....... Paul compares the intimacy of the husband and wife relationship to the intimacy we as the church are supposed to share with Jesus Christ, who is God and is One with God the Father. We are to be so close that we are One with Him. We are given a promise in His word that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. James 4:8, "Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you.." Our Father God created us for fellowship. God is Love and it is His nature to love and love deeply. Psalm 42 is a psalm of yearning for God in the midst of distresses, in verse 7 it says, "Deep calls unto deep". This means that the depths of God calls unto the deep places in man. He invites us to know Him. However, in order to know Him we must be able to open up our heart, our inner self to Him. God called David a man after His own heart. The reason He says this is because David knew how to open up his inner self and commune with God. David joyously spent time in God's presence, it was his one true desire. Listen to David speak of spending time with his Father. In Psalm 27:4 David says, "One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple". David desired above all else to spend time alone with God. This is also the desire of our Father towards us. In Revelation 3:20 Jesus says, " Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me." So how do we open the door? I believe that the answer to that can be found in Psalm 46:10, which happens to be my favorite scripture of all. It says, "Be Still and know that I am God." In order to get the full meaning of this verse lets look at the original hebrew words used here and their full meanings. First, it says to "Be Still", the word Still there is the hebrew word, raphah. This means to be quiet, to relax and to let go. If you are married and have a healthy relationship with your spouse you are able to relax with them, let your hair down and be yourself with them. You are able to let go of your self-consciousness and just enjoy being with them. Next, the verse says, "and Know that I am God". The hebrew word translated as "know" is the word yada. This means, to perceive and see, find out and discern, to recognize, be acquainted with intimately (carnally), to reveal oneself. This is the exact same word that is used in chapter 4 of Genesis where it says that Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived a child. So think about it. God is telling us to relax and let go of our worries and cares. He is saying, "I want to be intimate with you. I want to know who you are, and I want you to know who I Am." He wants us to know and experience His presence. Every Day He wants to reveal His love to us in a real, tangible way! The bible calls God's presence the secret place. It is here that we find shelter and comfort and strength. Psalm 31 says that God will hide those who trust in Him in the secret of His presence. Psalm 91 says that those who dwell in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. The word for shadow there means, shade as protection, a defence. When we learn to open up our hearts to Him we bring Him great pleasure and joy. He is then able to fill us with Himself! In Ephesians 3:16-19 Paul prays that we are rooted and grounded in God's love so that we can grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.!! Being full of God means being full of Love, and according to God's word, Love never fails. Love is the most poweful force in all the universe. I don't know about you but I want to be full of God and full of His love. I know that He loves me and I can trust Him because he sent his only Son to die for me so that we could have an intimate relationship. Let us ask God to teach us and help us and show us how to open up our hearts to Him so that we can be filled to overflowing with His love and joy and peace.

It is Time to make The Lord our Refuge.

God is our place of safety. He gives us strength. He is our help in time of trouble. Psalm 46:1

The days we are currently living in are the darkest that have been since the days of Noah and they are only going to get darker. It is critical that we become strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. No other power on earth can protect or save us from the darkness that is encroaching. It Is the last days and I am compelled by the Lord to speak to the body of believers about learning to be strong in Him.

We take refuge in the Lord by knowing Him, as we learn Who He is and How much we are loved by Him we are able to trust Him and His Word..  In my relationship with the Lord I have learned little by little, and through each and every experience of my life, that I can trust Him. I have learned that I must,
'Only Believe' as Jesus told Jairus in Mark 5:36.  When Jesus heard the evil report that Jairus daughter was already dead just after Jairus had asked him to come pray for his daughter, this is what He said; "But Jesus immediately, having heard the word spoken, says to Jairus, Fear not; only believe." We too, can make the choice to Fear not.

This must be our response to every evil report. An evil report can come from many diverse places and in many different shapes and forms. An evil report can come in the form of a fearful thought from the enemy. Have you ever had the thought come to you that one of your children might be involved in a car crash? Have you ever had a thought that you might get cancer? How about an evil report on the news that bad weather or a tornado is headed toward your home town??
I recently experienced this very thing. A tornado made a direct hit on my small home town of Kimberly. I was applying the blood of Jesus to my home and property and family. It ripped the roof off of Kimberly Church of God  a mile from my house. It destroyed the fire station less than a mile from my house. It uprooted huge trees and destroyed roofs, trees and buildings that cut a path straight to within a block of my home. There was no damage to my home, property or family.  Psalm 112:7-8  tells us how those who know God and have a relationship with Him are to respond to bad news or evil reports, it says, " He will not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is established; He will not be afraid."
We must stand our ground with the Word that God has given us. The word of God is called the sword of the Spirit. It is our weapon against the enemy and his plans for our destruction.
The word of God tells us that in this world we will have tribulations, but to be of Good cheer because Jesus has overcome the world for us! 
A lot of believers will point to the story of Job in the Bible and say that God allowed all those horrible things to happen to Job, but, in truth it was Job who allowed it to happen. Job stated himself that what He had greatly feared  had come upon him.
Fear opens a door for satan to attack us. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. So when we allow ourselves to worry and fear, we are giving our enemy an open door to walk right into our lives and wreak havoc!  2 Corinthians 10:5 say that we are to, Cast down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
The word of God tells us that we are redeemed from the curse by Jesus' blood.  The blood Jesus shed for us provides complete and total deliverance. Galatians 1:4 says that Jesus gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father.

Psalm 107:2 says, "Let the redeemed of the Lord Say So, whom he has redeemed from the hand of the enemy! Psalm 91 says that a thousand may fall at our side and ten thousand at our right hand but it will not come near us. The only requirement for that to be truth in our lives is for us to act upon it!!  How do we act upon it?? By not responding out of fear. I heard all the sirens going off during that tornado. I was standing in the open door of my home speaking to the storm. I told it that it would not touch my home. I covered my home with the blood of Jesus.  Jesus said in Mark 11:23, "I tell you the truth, if someone says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him."
When we Trust the Lord with all our hearts and lean not unto our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledge Him, He directs our path!. Some people will say I was foolish for standing in the door of my home during a tornado instead of cowering in my basement. But my path was not to hide in a basement, the Lord directed my path. I refused to act in fear and follow the "wisdom" of man. This is not the first time I have stood my ground against tornadoes coming toward my home. We get lots of that weather here in Alabama. I learned how to stand my ground against tornadoes as a child watching my parents. They stood on the Word of God way back then. I remember very vividly as a child one time in particular, We had a tornado pass directly over our house too. It took the top half of a large pine tree in our yard and placed it neatly in the neighbors yard across the street, but it did not touch us, or our home.

The Lord has been showing me Psalm 34 a lot lately. It is a blueprint for us as believers. It is full of wisdom, truth and encouragement. Take a look..
 
Psalm 34

 I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    the humble shall hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!

 I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who trust Him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

 Come, O children, listen to me;
    I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is there who desires life
     and loves many days, that he may see good?  Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.Turn away from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous

    and his ears toward their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to cut off the memory of them from the earth. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken. Affliction will slay the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

Trust the Lord today and every day with every thing in your life. He will never leave you and never forsake you.

Just a closer walk with Thee

 Just a closer walk with Thee



I have come to realize that life is best lived walking very closely to Jesus. There is no security in anyone or anything else.
Just looking around me, I see So many signs pointing to His soon return. I believe, Really soon.
So what exactly determines if we go in the catching away?
I know a lot of people are saying a lot of different things, about Jesus coming for a bride without spot or wrinkle. So, they are putting a lot of emphasis on living perfectly sin free. I think it is definitely what we strive to do, live without sinning. But, we never could keep the law in the first place, that is why Jesus came.
He washes us with His blood and makes us white as snow.
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

I do not believe, that you can trust in yourself to do everything right all the time, so that you will be found worthy to escape all these things. I think you either trust in your own righteousness, or you trust in His.
I really don't see how it can be both ways. Do you?
I know that when I walk each day being very conscious of all my failings, that I do not walk in joy or victory.
However, when I walk each day being very conscious of how much God loves me, I walk in peace, joy and victory.

I see dark days ahead. I don't know how dark it will be before our Savior returns...But I do know that we Are lights in this darkness. We must show people His light while we can.
And I do believe that as long as we are walking with Him daily now, that we will continue to walk with Him right into eternity, however that may happen. That should be enough for us, to know that He will walk with us where ever we go and what ever we do.

If I only had a brain..

The complete and utter ignorance that is on display on the internet is magnificent in its sheer magnitude don't you think? That was a mouthful. Oh the frustration I endure. I have lived in America my whole life, I am 37 years old. I grew up in the 80"s and early 90's. I have watched things unfold on a social and political level in our once beloved nation.  It appears that  the whole world itself has jumped off a chasm into the abyss. I actually used to be proud of our nation. It just makes me sad now. I was proud to be part of a common people who have descended from others who overcame great adversity and hardship to come to this land for true freedom. I am also proud to be descended from the people who already inhabited this land and still survive today. I have always thought about the atrocities and horrors other peoples, of other nations, endured at the hands of tyrannical dictatorships. I felt sorry for them and thanked my God I lived in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. I have really been upset that my delusion has been shattered. I cherished it.

It appears that a too large majority of the citizens of this country are asleep at the wheel. Therefore, our descent into the abyss.  Every time I check my email and these stupid cover stories pop up on the way to my inbox I want to vomit.  I think, "Do people really care what actress is showing some leg in a photo or not?" Geez, in the past month I have seen not one but two articles on the front page display about two separate actresses showing their lovely long legs off, maybe a bit too much? I'm not sure because I couldn't get past the fact of the articles actual existence. But this is what I am talking about. Not a whisper about the offensive legislation bouncing out of Washington every Friday evening. When YOU can't go to Walmart and buy groceries without being patted down by some TSA agent or you can't say you disagree with the government without being harassed or jailed, What are you going to be interested in knowing about then? Your constitutional rights?  By then they no longer exist. I would dare say we are pretty much there anyway.  That is what makes me sad.


Talk talk talk about government for the people and by the people. That is a joke. I remember where I was and exactly what I was doing when the first airplane hit the first twin tower. I was at work. I worked on a mental health unit in a hospital. I was making rounds and noticed the news on in the dayroom. There was smoke coming from the tower and I thought, "Wow, a plane flew into a building? What the hell?" I thought it was an accident or something until an uproar arose from the day room and one of the nurses I work with said, "Jilda, you better come here."  How horrifying to realize my country was under attack. The mainland USA!  In the heart breaking aftermath of this event I understand why Americans accepted tighter government controls and intervention. Safety? Like our government could actually protect us individually if it came down to it. You know there are lots of people who have different ideas about what actually went down that day. Who actually is behind everything and all that.  Well, I know one thing. Who ever is ultimately responsible for the tragic events that day will answer for it.  That my friends is the way it works. Thank God.

In the meantime however, this event has changed my country.  Sweet land of liberty, I want to sing. But no more. Do any of you realize that an elderly farmer was arrested in the United States of  America for selling his cow's milk to people who wanted to buy fresh milk? That is a drop in the bucket. (No pun intended).
Children have been forcibly vaccinated at school without parental consent. A man in California recently blew himself and his home up.  He had been arrested so many times for keeping chickens on his property for fresh eggs and food, that he couldn't pay his bills and they were gonna take him away. Really? 
The list goes on and on.  A TSA agent forced a breast feeding mother to pump milk at the airport in a bathroom to prove it was a breast pump... Need I say more because I feel I should. This kind of thing makes me so angry I see numerous shades of red. I want to scream from the rooftops!!  Stand up for your freedom! Don't take it lying down. Oh I can just see somebody, anybody try to make me pump breast milk to prove it is a breast milk pump. That is too rich.  Okay people, Let us refresh ourselves with the noble sentiment that I take to heart, and will stand by no matter what happens. Give me Liberty or give me death. What else is there?
Selah.

Resistance is not futile

I have decided that when I grow up, I want to be Ron Paul or possibly Jay Sekulow... These guys are awesome.
These are men that I can respect. I don't know about ya'll but I have a burning desire to see Truth prevail. I have also decided that it IS better to shine a light rather than curse the darkness. Has anyone read any of Chuck Norris' recent articles or posts? He is also awesome. I admire anyone who is not afraid to speak the truth and damn the consequences. Don't you? We might as well. I was raised to believe I live in a free country.
Obviously you can't always depend on the status quo being maintained. Especially when greedy, evil, self-serving psychopaths have gained way too much power over the establishment.

It really is sad to see my beloved America falling to the hands of corporate thugs who buy their way into our laws and courts. It really isn't about the 99% against the 1%. It is also not about black or white or yellow or brown. That is just another way to pit us against each other. It is basically evil vs. good.  Virtue vs. Vice.
Vice is a habitual, repeated practice of wrongdoing.
So the question unfortunately has become in this amazingly dark day and age, what can be defined as wrong doing??  There are so many basic things people seem to need clarification for when it comes to deciding what is right or wrong. Also, some people don't really care. Too bad the people who don't care are pulling most of the strings of our government and society at large. There are a few lone hold outs who are screaming their heads off and doing everything they can to fight the machine and the descent into chaos. But not nearly enough.

So what to do? I am the kind of person who has to say something, has to do something. I can't really keep my mouth shut. So I am shining a light.
I say that we don't deserve to be called Americans unless we stand up for our freedom. Talk about bullying being a problem in our schools and among the youth. Geez are you kidding? I wonder why.
Intimidation and bullying are common practice in the US of A nowadays isn't it? You know the new golden rule right. He who has the gold makes the rules... I really liked, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is not so popular anymore, seems to be a little too much effort for folks.

That is the adversaries power base you know; greed, lust and self-centeredness, oh and don't forget fear. Fortunately I have a secret weapon. I know that, "Anything which comes from God is able to overcome the world; and the power by which we have overcome the world is our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 1 John 5:4-5  So, because of the fact that I have been given the responsibility of being salt and light. I must exercise my faith and not be afraid to speak the truth and shout it from the rooftops. (or from my blog, facebook and anyone I can get to listen). I am also financially supporting people whom I know are actively fighting for our freedoms here in our own country, in our own courtrooms. How much is your freedom worth to you? Are you going to cower in fear? I love to listen to Bob Marley. He put it well when he said: Get up stand up, stand up for your right, Get up stand up, don't give up the fight..
Does the phrase "Give me liberty or give me death" resonate with your spirit at all? It does mine. I refuse to live without freedom. That is not life.

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken

I am amazed at the recent changes in my life.
When God prompts you to do something, and then you are obedient and do that thing. Well, that is when miracles happen!
It was not long ago at all, that I was walking around on my front porch one night talking to the Lord about everything. I do mean everything.
I don't know what kind of relationship other people have with God. But, He is my Daddy and Jesus is the lover of my soul. I know that they are completely aware of what I think anyway, so I just let it all hang out with them.
Anyway, I was crying. I was trying to make some kind of sense of this world and all the pain and suffering I encounter. I was pretty much begging Jesus to come back and take us away. I do that a alot!
Just then, a phrase came to me, "nothing missing, nothing broken". I knew, that is what the Lord wanted to do for me. So I asked the Lord to give me exactly that. Nothing missing and nothing broken in my life.
It is what He wants to do for all of us. We don't always know what is missing or what is broken in our lives or in our selves. He does.
Shortly after this I had a dream. I dreamed that I was extremely angry with someone. I was cursing this person for all they were worth. I mean I was saying, "F--- you", and all kinds of not nice things. When I woke up I couldn't believe it. I had never had a dream like that before.
Then I realized who I was cursing at in my dream. It was a person who had hurt me when I was a young teenage girl. I had thought, up until this point, that I had overcome that hurt, forgiven the person etc.. but this was an eye opener from the Lord.
So, if you have read my previous two blog posts then you know that the Lord helped me to contact that person and receive healing. I am actually amazed this didn't happen sooner. I can't believe I spent so many years of my life still wounded.
The healing continues and I am thankful.
I am 37 years old and have worked as a Registered Nurse for 17 years.  Fifteen of those years I have worked with people who are mentally ill. I tell you this because of my perception of my life before this recent turn of events.
I felt like I pretty much had things together. A good career, two beautiful healthy daughters, a husband who loves me beyond all reason, nice house, nice car, parents who love me, friends, etc....... But I was still broken inside. Never feeling like I was good enough. Never feeling whole.

Most of the patients I take care of have nothing close to the good things I do.  It is utterly horrific to see people in such despair and pain. Sometimes it is overwhelming. And that is just me looking into their lives!
I have known for a long time that I would not have Anything good in my life without God.
However, what I didn't know is that every thing that has happened in my life was for a reason.
A real reason.
Every time I screwed up. Every time I asked for forgiveness. Every time I realized my need for HIM.
It was all leading up to the realization that God wants me to have Nothing missing and Nothing broken.
And that He was going to do this for me!
Not because I have done Anything to deserve it. My Lord, I have done so many wrong things, bad things.
I dare say it would shock some people..
God is So good. He loves us So much more than we know. He really did know every sin we would commit before we ever did. He loves us anyway.
We really don't have to do anything but accept His love. Spend time with Him and listen to His heart. He wants to heal all of us. He wants to heal our hearts, our minds and our bodies. We spend too much time resisting what God wants us to do.  If we would just do it, push past the fear, do what He is telling you to do. He has freedom in store for you when you do. He has wholeness and peace just waiting for you! It might not be easy, but it Will be worth it...
I am sure I still have quite a ways to go before God gets me to where He wants me. But I am glad I am along for the ride!

Woundedness and Healing

Okay, so now I am apparently on a journey of Healing also.  As young as I was when I got hurt, at the time, the only way I knew to deal with it, was to bury it deep and not think about it. Great, so guess what that means?

Unfortunately for me, emotional healing is often painful as we greive things and work through previously blocked out memories. Memories that are popping up now and begging to be examined. 

"Lord, am I actually supposed to be able to look at these things and allow myself to think about it without dying from the pain still lodged in my heart? Yes, You are my healer and You give me strength."

And He truly is the Lover and Healer. So far, everytime a thought or memory comes to mind, He is there holding my hand and pouring His love into my heart where every damaged, wounded part exists. I can feel Him healing my heart! and it is Amazing and Painful and Wonderful all at the same time.

Geez, I feel so human and frail and vulnerable. It is good to know that my Jesus is faithful, and that He indeed has made me Free.

Woundedness can be healed and restored and made new. He came to bind up the broken hearted and set the captives free. This is Praise to my King.

He is my Savior and my King. I will adore Him forever. Who could ever love me like He does?

Wrapped up in the esctasy of Your presence I am forever whole.

You are the Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. You are my Rock forever more.

I would die in your presence, I would live in your presence, only that I would be with you.

There is no God but You.

You have held me in your hand and given me strength,

you have guided my feet along a crooked path and made my way straight.

I am awed at Your majesty and beauty.

You are the Love of my life and the Life of my love.

I am nothing without you. My Savior and my Lord.

journey to forgiveness and freedom

Help me Jesus. I am a mess this week. Confronting long-standing painful issues from the past is hard work. It is also emotionally exhausting. I feel wrung out completely. This post is really just for me. I thought of writing in my journal about all this, and I guess maybe I will at some point. This week I sent an email correspondence to the one person who hurt me more than anyone ever has in my life. I had thought about contacting this person for many years. I am still not sure why now was the time to do it. But it was. I really didn't know if I would get a response from this person or not. Hell I didn't know if I really wanted a response! I just had to lay my cards on the table. For some reason I have this need to let people know when they've hurt me. I have done this in the past and I definitely don't always get an apology or even a response. However, just the act of releasing it to the person seems to help me heal. This was no different. As a matter-of-fact, it felt like a large heavy stone had been lifted from my chest. Thank you Jesus.
The person actually did respond and apologized, asking for forgiveness. It was weird. I am still kind of reeling from it. It has been 23 years since this person hurt me. Unfortunately though, the wound that was inflicted all those years ago set horrible things in motion in my life. I dare say my life would have been totally and completely different if it hadn't happened.
It is just so strange to me now. The one thing that defined how I perceived my self and my value for so many years. Now gone...
I had learned to value myself before this, the Lord has been faithful to me. But apparently I still needed to do what I did.
This person offered to get in contact more and talk over things but I had to decline. Even though I am thankful for the apology, I am a person who loves and feels very deeply. This person was my first love whom rejected me. So the thought of sitting down with him face to face was just not a pleasant one. Even though he apologized and sounded sincere, I don't think he really got the depth of the wound he inflicted. Then again I don't imagine it is necessary that he does.
I think what is so strange is that I did not realize myself how deeply it would affect me if he did respond and apologize. I have just carried this pain for so long, buried deep inside, that I feel like crying all the time now. Has anyone else ever been through something like this? Am I the only one? It feels like I am.

Working for the blessings of God???

Tonight I watched a minister on television whom I respect, teaching about being blessed by God.  What he said just did not ring true within my spirit. Something that I struggled with for a long time and still do at times is attempting to earn God's approval and blessings. This minister was pretty much saying that when we live holy lives and do what the bible says then we will open up the windows of heavens for God's blessing to pour out on our lives.
Now, I do agree that living holy will accomplish this; being obedient will accomplish this. HOWEVER.... I don't know about you, but I do not have the ability to just say okay, I am going to live holy, always respect my spouse, always walk in love, never say things in anger, always make the right decisions, never fulfill the lust of the flesh and then just do it... Oh I have tried to do that.. But it never lasts long. Then I am frustrated and crying to God, and being afraid I am screwing things up and on and on ad nauseum. Can anyone relate?

So what is the answer? Well, what the Holy Spirit has been teaching me ever so sweetly, is that having an intimate relationship with God IS what will accomplish ALL of this for me. That sounds easier doesn't it? But is that what the Word says? Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30; "Come unto me, all of you who labor and are forced to bear burdens, and I shall give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am peaceful and meek in my heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is pleasant and my burden is light.” In this passage Jesus tells us to take His yoke and LEARN from Him. What was Jesus' yoke?
“For I came down from Heaven, not to do my will, but to do the will of him who has sent me.”John 6:38.
Jesus yoke was to do the will of the Father. Sooo, What is God's will? How do we know what God's will is for us in our life?
Well, lets think about how Jesus learned God's will. I think that he learned the same way any of us learn the will of another person. We talk to them, spend time with that person and get to know them. Jesus spent whole nights in prayer with God. I used to picture this as him struggling and pleading with God. But now I know differently. Jesus just spent time in God's presence. He learned to hear God with his spiritual ears and communicated with Him. He was empowered and refreshed by spending time with his Father. By spending time with God he learned to constantly be aware of God's presence and hear from Him. I know this because Jesus said, "I can guarantee this truth: The Son cannot do anything on his own. He can do only what he sees the Father doing. Indeed, the Son does exactly what the Father does." John 5:19... JESUS said that He could not do Anything on his own!!  So what makes us think we can???

We can't. We can not do anything of eternal significance on our own. However, we Can do all things through Christ who strenghtens us!! The way we are strengthened by Christ is by spending time with Him.
I have seen in my own life that when I take time regularly to just sit down alone, focus on God, speak to Him, praise Him, listen to Him.. That His presence comes to me. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
In His presence is the fullness of Joy. His presence is so sweet and rich and welcoming. His presence is the most precious thing on earth. After I have spent time with Him, I feel like being loving to others. I am calm and peaceful. I feel loved and cherished. I have no worries and cares because I Know that He cares for me.
Things that would usually bother me or tempt me no longer have power over me. I become empowered to do His will, which is to walk in love.
There is a catch though. This is an ongoing process. I have to do this regulary. The more often the better. I believe this is our yoke. And it IS pleasant and easy. Our Father is love; and love never fails. Love is powerful. When you walk out love in your life, your actions become powerful and produce the fruit of the Spirit of God. You are automatically blessed and not stressed!! All we have to do is spend time with God. Jesus said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." How do we love him? We spend time with him and He empowers us to keep His commandments!!!

I welcome any comments or thoughts on this subject..

The End of the world as we know it???

Okay, so tomorrow the United Nations will be the place where the bid for a Palestinian State will come up for a vote. Anyone aware of what that could possibly mean for the world as we know it now?? Well as far as I can tell it means that (if it is approved) Israel will be told, " This is the way it is, we are taking part of Jerusalem and part of your other land to make the new Palestinian State, whether you agree or not." I don't know about you, but I don't think that will go over too well. I am thinking it will be the start of another war. But this time, it will involve Israel. The implications of that are overwhelming. Zacharia 12:3 comes to mind, " On that day, when all the nations of the earth are gathered against her, I will make Jerusalem an immovable rock for all the nations. All who try to move it will injure themselves."

We must pray that our National leaders do not turn against Israel at this pivotal moment in History. It would mean a terrible time of disaster and the removal of God's hedge of protection from this country.
I am not trying to instill fear, far from it. But we need to be aware of what is happening in the world , so that we can be Salt and Light. It is our responsibility to preserve the earth while we are still here. I know that we can not stop inevitable prophetic events from eventually occurring. But, I do believe that God expects us to be aware and involved with our prayers.

I would also like to make my friends aware that 6 days after this vote, on Sept. 27, the comet Elenin will be aligned with the Earth, Sun and I believe Mercury.  If you do not know, the last several major earthquakes that have happened including the recent Japan earthquake all happened when this kind of configuration in the sky was in place. So what does this mean? It is very likely that there will be another major earthquake somewhere on earth around this date. We must pray for the safety of God's children during this time.
I have been very interested in all these end time events as of late, at times allowing myself to become a little overwhelmed with concern. But, praise my Father God, He is So Good to me. He has told me the only preparation I really need is to prepare my Heart to be strong in HIM. He is more than able to deliver us from destruction. We must Not allow fear into our hearts and minds.

Just remember,
 ¹He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
 ²I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
 ³Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
 ⁴He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
 ⁵Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
 ⁶Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
 ⁷A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
 ⁸Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
 ⁹Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
 ¹⁰There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
 ¹¹For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
 ¹²They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
 ¹³Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
 ¹⁴Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
 ¹⁵He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
 ¹⁶With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.
Psalms 91..

Deception in individual believers.

Something that has been a concern for me in my own life here on this planet, is the issue of deception. I don't think that Christians, or people who have accepted Jesus as Lord, for the most part, really even consider that deception could be a part of their lives. But the Holy Spirit has taught me a couple things that I was actually able to get through my thick skull! One of the most important things being that fear and deception are satan's primary weapons that he uses to destroy us and our lives.
I am not even exactly sure how it happened or with what situation it first occurred, that the Lord revealed to me an area of deception in my life that was harming me in some way. But I do distinctly remember having a realization of deception as an entity, trying to influence the course of my life. I prayed then and there that Jesus would not allow me to be deceived in any area of my life. God is faithful and he continues to lead me into the light on a regular basis by His own power.
One thing that I pray always, is that the Lord won't allow me to stay deceived in any area. I know that most anyone who reads this post, has had some experience in their life where you had a realization that your eyes had been blinded in some way, and you had a 'light bulb' moment. It is almost kind of scary to me when it happens. Scary, because I do not want to be functioning under some false assumptions about Anything! That leads to trouble in more ways than one!
The reason deception is so bad, is You don't Know when you are deceived, Because You Are Deceived! That is why it is important for us to keep an open , humble heart before the Lord and everyone else. Humility will protect you from deception. Constantly recognize that you are helplessly dependent upon God to keep you free and walking in the truth. Seek Him and his counsel all the time, every day in every situation. He hears those prayer and answers readily!

Fear is different. That is an old enemy of mine. The Lord delivered me physically from a spirit of fear that had taken up residence within my very body. Isn't that annoying and presumptuous and down right overstepping some personal boundaries!! I became quite outraged over the whole thing once I realized what had happened!!  I think it was a generational spirit that was passed down to me. I had heard an older cousin of mine who knew my paternal Grandfather, talk about him. He died two years before I was placed on the planet. Anyway, this cousin, Elle Bee Roberts, told me that my dear departed Grandfather was the scaredest man he ever knew! I remember him recounting this to my Father and I when I was a child. He told some tall tales as examples but I am pretty sure they were true. I wish I could remember better but I was young. It did stick with me though. In more ways than one unfortunately!
But Praise God, I am free from that disgusting thing now and have been for years! Satan will deceive us and keep us in bondage to fear or anything that we allow. But God is faithful and true and an ever present help in trouble!'s
Well that's all I got today. I think I will enjoy writing this blog even if no one else reads it!